Why Don't We Listen Better? Communicating & Connecting in Relationships Author: James C. Petersen Anita Jones | Language: English | ISBN:
B004PGNMHI | Format: PDF
Why Don't We Listen Better? Communicating & Connecting in Relationships Description
We may think we’re good listeners, but not many of us are. When others talk, we focus on what we think, rather than what they are trying to say. Few of us know how to use the power of listening to improve life for ourselves or those around us. Dr. Jim Petersen says that good communication uses the same skills in a professional office, on a date, in a corporate board room, or at a kitchen table. This book can help you learn to listen your way to better relationships, from intimate to casual or work-related.
He discusses the need to abandon the win-lose mentality of contemporary culture. His book highlights our culture’s courtroom-like communication that so often puts us at odds with each other. And then continues by presenting time-tested methods of dealing with common communication land mines. His powerfully intuitive yet tongue-in-cheek Flat-Brain theory shows how we get upset and confused in tense situations, why we have trouble hearing each other and what to do about it.
The creative use of the “taking turns” we learned as children can end arguing as we know it.
Petersen’s pièce de résistance is the inventive Talker Listener Card. This gem is practical, easy to use and portable, a format that elevates idle banter and argument into the arena of authentic dialogue. When people use the card they help each other relax, think clearer and build empathy and cooperation. He includes chapters on using the Card to improve listening with couples, difficult groups and as a family dinner table game for ages 5 to 105.
Why Don’t We Listen Better? presents other original easy-to-use tools and techniques to help people develop skills at what he calls come-alive communication. The Kindle or Kindle Apps are great ways to get the most out of this book. It is organized in short sections, labeled in the Table of Contents so you can click on and immediately find the technique or idea you want to review. The thirty listening techniques can travel with you, get you started improving your relationships and help you listen effectively. His insights will give you creative ways to handle both daily interactions and the difficult situations of anger, grief and conflict.
This veteran counselor’s unique approach to listening has changed lives. He distilled forty plus years of pastoral experience, counseling and teaching into this informal, often humorous volume loaded with practical tips, examples, and techniques to practice. An experienced seminar and workshop leader, Jim has taught his practical techniques to corporate clients, city governments, colleges and universities, the hearing-impaired community, students, teachers, parents, couples and churches. The informal manner that endears him to novices and experts alike is reflected in this valuable book for anyone who communicates with others.
In retirement Jim maintains a counseling practice as a Licensed Professional Counselor in Oregon, specializing in counseling couples and teaching effective communication. His degrees include a Master of Divinity and Doctor of Ministry from San Francisco Theological Seminary and a BA in mathematics from Lewis and Clark College in Portland, Oregon.
Reviews:
“What an eye-opener! When I started the book I thought I was a good listener. Now I know better. I am a card carrying listener/talker now. Insightful, thought provoking and thoroughly enjoyable to read.”
—Jim Misko, author and commercial realtor, Anchorage, AK
"I have been using Jim Petersen’s Talker-Listener Card and communication strategies in my practice for ten years. My clients consistently show improvement in their ability to work collaboratively and cooperatively after learning these strategies. This is especially important for parents who must work together to raise their children after divorce.”
—Linda Scher, family mediator and facilitator in Portland OR
- File Size: 902 KB
- Print Length: 240 pages
- Simultaneous Device Usage: Unlimited
- Publisher: Petersen Publications; First Edition - Kindle version edition (February 24, 2011)
- Sold by: Amazon Digital Services, Inc.
- Language: English
- ASIN: B004PGNMHI
- Text-to-Speech: Enabled
X-Ray:
- Lending: Enabled
- Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #62,678 Paid in Kindle Store (See Top 100 Paid in Kindle Store)
Peterson uses creative imagery to describe poor communication habits and the relational dysfunction that occurs when we fail to listen to one another. He has termed the phrase, "flat brain theory" to explain what happens when we allow our emotions to affect our thinking which in turns affects our relating. Emotions are often felt in the stomach area. When we are afraid, we have a feeling in the pit of our stomach. We often describe excitement as butterflies in our stomach. Many people state they have a "gut feeling" about something. The brain area describes our cognitive functioning relating to facts. We use our brains to come to conclusions or evaluate facts and eventually make our case. The heart area describes the actual desire to relate. In its natural state, it operates from a win-win mode. It gives and takes, listens and speaks. Healthy communication requires an individual to use his brain to state the facts, his stomach to express how he feels about the facts and his heart to use that information to relate to another individual in a fair, loving way.
Petersen suggests that often unresolved conflicts or other emotions reside in our feeling area (stomach) when they are not properly dealt with. When an opportunity arises, those unresolved feelings will often swell up into a vast array of emotional responses. This swelling process expands the stomach area (figuratively) which in turn flattens the heart and subsequently the brain area. As this happens, the squished brain does not function properly and this affects the hearing, seeing, and speaking of the affected person. In addition, the squished heart is no longer functioning from a loving win-win stance, but instead becomes defensive and attacks.
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