The Unwritten Rules of Friendship: Simple Strategies to Help Your Child Make Friends Author: Visit Amazon's Natalie Madorsky Elman Page | Language: English | ISBN:
0316917303 | Format: PDF
The Unwritten Rules of Friendship: Simple Strategies to Help Your Child Make Friends Description
From Publishers Weekly
Elman, director of the Summit Center for Learning in Summit, N.J., and Kennedy-Moore, a Westfield, N.J., psychotherapist, offer a detailed examination of the different ways children interact with their peers. Often, otherwise bright and "normal" children behave in ways that cause other children, family members and teachers to label them as disruptive, unhappy or troublesome. There are nine types of children, according to the authors, including the "short-fused," "little adult," "born leader" and "different drummer." Parents will immediately be able to identify their child from the detailed descriptions included. For example, "Short-Fused Children may appear to be strong, but inside they feel vulnerable. These children are extremely sensitive. They often believe that the whole world is against them. Because they feel threatened, they respond angrily, instinctively fighting to protect themselves." As they explain the various types of behaviors, the authors depict a number of scenarios to show the difficulties children can have relating to others. The challenge for the parents is to help their children learn "the Unwritten Rules" so they have fewer problems and form happier, more productive relationships. The authors provide specific sentences that both parents and children can use to change these destructive behavior patterns, but some parents will probably hope for even more specific do's and don'ts. Given that other childrearing tomes rarely cover this topic, this book is a welcome addition to the parenting library.
Copyright 2003 Reed Business Information, Inc.
About the Author
Natalie Madorsky Elman, Ph.D., is director of the Summit Center for Learning in New Jersey. She also has been a consultant to the New Jersey Department of Education.Eileen Kennedy-Moore has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology. She works with adults and children in Westfield, NJ.
- Paperback: 352 pages
- Publisher: Little, Brown and Company; 1 edition (September 3, 2003)
- Language: English
- ISBN-10: 0316917303
- ISBN-13: 978-0316917308
- Product Dimensions: 8.3 x 5.4 x 1 inches
- Shipping Weight: 11.2 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
Overall, the book is well organized. It provides practical tips and exercises to teach children appropriate social behaviors. It can serve as a reference for all those good and bad social actions that a parent may not remember to discuss.
It is a book written for "normal" and young children. The exercises seem to be directed to children younger than sixth grade. The book may be of some use to Asperger's children if they are elementary school aged, but beyond that, I doubt it would be of much value. For the record, I have an Asperger's son.
The book is broken into sections based on personality types: The Vulnerable Child, The Different Drummer, The Little Adult, etc. This structure makes it possible to quickly identify where your child fits, primarily, and to focus on those behaviors first. Each section stands on its own, and thoroughly describes how that personality typically acts in social settings. Exercises are provided to assist you in teaching your child the rules for each section (personality). There are nine personality types explained, and if any are missing, I can't think of one.
Parents of Asperger's children should not view this book as a primary resource. It is written for "normal kids who struggle to be accepted by their peers," as it states on page 8. The exercises may be helpful in some cases where the child can learn a cognitive method of behavior; however, there is no effort or attempt at addressing the underlying anxieties and thought processes that dictate the behaviors of an Aspie. Any cognitive efforts would have to be done at an early age. I find it highly unlikely that a middle-school or older Aspie would benefit much from this book.
The disappointing part of the book is its maddeningly na?ve approach to bullying.
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