Marriage Rules: A Manual for the Married and the Coupled Up Author: Visit Amazon's Harriet Lerner Page | Language: English | ISBN:
1592407455 | Format: PDF
Marriage Rules: A Manual for the Married and the Coupled Up Description
Review
“This is the marriage book we’ve been waiting for!”
—Brené Brown, Ph.D., LMSW, bestselling author of The Gifts of Imperfection and Daring Greatly
“Required reading for anyone hoping to interact successfully with any other human.”
—Martha Beck, author of Leaving the Saints
"If you're asking the question, "But what do I DO?" this book is for you. Marriage Rules is wise, gripping, funny, sanity-saving and above all, useful. It's brimming with Lerner's warmth, sharp wit, remarkable clarity, and practical advice."
—Edward M. Hallowell, M.D. author of Driven to Distraction
"This book is an astonishing blend of down-home wisdom and clinical experience. I can't think of a better comprehensive guide to making marriage work for today's couples. Read it for your own relationship and give it to every newlywed you know."
—William J. Doherty, Ph.D., professor at the University of Minnesota and author of Take Back Your Marriage
"Don't be fooled by this book's simplicity: Lerner, a distinguished psychologist, offers a real-life roadmap for a healthy relationship. She is an outstanding guide, accompanying us on the hard moments of the journey while escorting us firmly in the direction of love and joy and wisdom."
—Pat Love, co-author of How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It
"Open this book anywhere and you'll find a rule that will rescue you from the swamps and quicksands of marriage and couplehood. What a beautiful, smart, witty and eminently helpful book!"
—Janis Abrahms Spring, Ph.D., author of After the Affair
About the Author
Harriet Lerner, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist whose many acclaimed books have topped six million copies in combined sales. She is a dynamic, sought-after speaker who has appeared on The Oprah Winfrey Show, CNN, and NPR, and she hosts The Dance of Connection blog on psychologytoday.com.
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- Paperback: 288 pages
- Publisher: Gotham; Reprint edition (December 31, 2012)
- Language: English
- ISBN-10: 1592407455
- ISBN-13: 978-1592407453
- Product Dimensions: 7.9 x 5.2 x 0.9 inches
- Shipping Weight: 8.5 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
The timing of the arrival of this book was somewhat uncanny, as it arrived the day after my wife and I had had our first fight in quite a long while (in the past, there have been rough spots). During that fight, uncharacteristically, my wife was really anger with me and lost her temper, screaming and yelling and cursing; that night, she even slept in another room. The next morning my instinct was (fitting of Ms. Lerner observation that we tend toward fight or flight) to be frosty, but I reminded myself that won't change a downward spiral effect; so I tried to be pleasant, but that probably just got me to neutral. Then, a few pages in to Marriage Rules, Lerner wrote (quoting a friend and colleague): "It's just when your partner is being the biggest jerk that you're called upon to be your best self." Now, my wife wasn't really being a jerk (I could understand why she was disappointed in me, even if she was over-reacting [from my vantage point]. But it helped me reset my emotional thermostat and got me excited about Ms. Lerner's new book.
The excitement wasn't because of any big breakthroughs, but because the book offers timeless reminders delivered in an engaging way and illustrated with good vignettes. For example, in Rule #43 in the "Fight Fair" section, she tells about a San Francisco-based couple that fought viciously over just about everything. They seemed to have no control over their attacks on each other -- until a distinguished British professor stayed as a house guest for months, sleeping in the bedroom right next to theirs. Over those months, they were courteous with each other and agreed it was among the best months of their marriage. The point: you have more control than you think.
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