Let's Panic About Babies!: How to Endure and Possibly Triumph Over the Adorable Tyrant Who Will Ruin Your Body, Destroy Your Life, Liquefy Your Brain, ... Turn You into a Worthwhile Human Being Author: Alice Bradley | Language: English | ISBN:
B0051Q1M14 | Format: EPUB
Let's Panic About Babies!: How to Endure and Possibly Triumph Over the Adorable Tyrant Who Will Ruin Your Body, Destroy Your Life, Liquefy Your Brain, ... Turn You into a Worthwhile Human Being Description
BABIES. Maybe you’re thinking of having one. There might even be one inside you right now, draining nutrients from your system via a tube growing from its midsection. Or maybe you’ve already got one around the house, somewhere, and you’re responsible for its continued survival. You’re saddled with a helpless being whom you’ve agreed to house and feed and love with all your heart for the rest of your life, more or less.
Either way, you’re confused, you’re frightened, and 911 won’t take your calls anymore. But don’t despair! Let’s Panic About Babies! is here to hold your hand and answer some important, age-old baby-related questions, including:
- How can I be sure I’m pregnant? (Torso swells gradually until baby falls into underpants.)
- Did I just pee myself? (Yes.)
- What happens if I have sex during my pregnancy? (Your baby will be born with a full, lush beard.)
- How can I tell if I’ve chosen the wrong pediatrician? (He/she can’t pronounce “stethoscope.”)
- How do I make sure my baby loves me back? (Voodoo.)
From the moment they’re created until the day they steal our cars, our babies demand center stage in our lives. So join Alice and Eden as they tell you (and your lucky partner!) exactly what to think and feel and do, from morning sickness to baby’s first steps. They know everything!
- File Size: 3587 KB
- Print Length: 272 pages
- Publisher: St. Martin's Griffin (March 1, 2011)
- Sold by: Macmillan
- Language: English
- ASIN: B0051Q1M14
- Text-to-Speech: Enabled
X-Ray:
- Lending: Not Enabled
- Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #173,776 Paid in Kindle Store (See Top 100 Paid in Kindle Store)
I am a mother of two growing young men, and that has caused me to be crotchety toward the things that young people do. One thing that I am especially given to crotchets about is the use of the acronym LOL. I don't hate laughing, mind, and I certainly don't expect anyone to laugh silently. Laughing out loud is great! I just don't love LOL.
And yet, I have found myself LOLing every time I open this book. And everyone in my family is LOLing every time they open this book, including my 11-year-old and 8-year-old sons. Everyone where I work LOL'd when they stole it off my desk to read when they were supposed to be working and you should ask before you put your dirty paws all over someone else's brand new book, Megan!* My point is that, despite how much I hate LOL, I wouldn't be able to describe how much laughing out loud this book has been providing everyone around me without using that very shorthand. So, there you go.
Here's why I love it. A hundred years ago when I first saw that little blue line on that urine-soaked stick (which I then jumped around, waving in the air. Gross!) I ran right out and bought a certain book about what a woman should expect when she is expecting a certain thing. The certain thing is a baby. Well, I sat right down and devoured that book, and when I was through...I was afraid to move. Or eat. Or think too much. When I finally got over the trauma, I told my husband that vaunted tome should really be called, "1,000 Things to Be Paranoid About Over the Next Nine Months. HA HA, You Should See How Crazy Your Eyes Look Right Now!" I picked it up with a pair of tongs and tossed it in a box never to be seen again. Clearly, these two women understand the way I felt back then. They get me. They get you too.
I've never written an online review of anything, but this book is so outrageously hilarious and fills such a valuable role in the literature of pregnancy, I was moved to say something -- to let other women know that reading Let's Panic About Babies! will not only make you weep with laughter but may also even, in a small but significant way, if it catches you at the right moment, change your life.
For some women, pregnancy is a beautiful, sacred, magical thing. For others, it's a little more complicated than that -- words such as alarming, bizarre, terrifying, mystifying, dread-inspiring, really freaking weird, grotesque, and horror show (ok, that's a phrase) come to mind. When I first stumbled on this book, I was about two months pregnant and, for a variety of reasons, feeling distressed to the point of in denial about the whole thing. I could barely bring myself to tell my mother the good news, let alone crack any of those standard volumes that whisper in breathy tones about the fecund female bliss you're supposed to be experiencing. (Keep in mind, I wasn't, like, 17 and single; I was, and am, 39 and engaged and doing this by choice.) I felt lost, unmoored, unable or afraid to articulate my true, socially unacceptable thoughts and emotions about having a muffin in the oven.
Then one night, perusing the Staff Picks rack at Powell's, I saw Let's Panic About Babies! and started flipping through it. Suddenly--maybe it was the photo of the seahorse, depicting "your baby!" at one month, that did it--I found myself helplessly cracking up. This was wrong. One was not supposed to crack up about pregnancy. Pregnancy is serious and sacred and too shameful to be written about except on pages of books with pink covers and titles with words like "Within" and "Pregnancy".
Let's Panic About Babies!: How to Endure and Possibly Triumph Over the Adorable Tyrant Who Will Ruin Your Body, Destroy Your Life, Liquefy Your Brain, ... Turn You into a Worthwhile Human Being Preview
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